Don't Worry About "Getting it Right" With Coaching Clients

Coaches are sometimes really worried about getting their coaching tools “right” with a client, and here’s why that doesn’t actually matter and you can totally relax when you’re coaching.

The only tool you really need in order to be a kick-ass coach is your natural awareness of the client and a cultivated ability to listen with presence, which you can learn in about five minutes.

Then, every other process you use will work just fine, even if done imperfectly, halfway, or clumsily.

For example, let’s say you’re the client and you’re getting coached, or you’re working with a therapist.

Imagine if that professional were to pay attention to what you’re saying without interrupting or offering advice? What if she were to look right at you with compassionate warmth?

What if she didn’t do anything other than acknowledge how you’re feeling and why it’s totally valid?

What if she said, “Oh yes, I can totally understand why you’re feeling sad and hurt. What a normal response to the situation you’re facing!”

What if she didn’t act rushed, or like she wanted to cut in when you were telling her about the issue at hand?

What if you could feel, in your body and your heart, that she was deeply interested in you, cared with all her heart, and was paying full attention to you?

I have a therapist I see who does all of these things, and it basically feels like getting a giant soul-hug every time I see her. Sure, it’s lovely to have her work with me with actual therapeutic tools, but those tools aren’t the reason I see her.

I’m there for the soul-hug, for sure. I’m there to feel seen and heard.

Similarly, when I started dating after my divorce, I was swept off my feet by my current partner, even though I wasn’t really looking for a serious relationship, simply because he paid attention.

He listened to me with his whole body. His eyes were on my face, looking into mine. He was still, quiet, and aware. He projected kindness.

Then, he’d respond after I finished talking, and usually with something that made it clear he not only paid attention, but really heard and saw me - the deeper things I hadn’t even said out loud.

It totally blew my mind and warmed my heart. He wasn’t looking at a phone or watch, he wasn’t off somewhere else in his head, and he wasn’t offering advice that I didn’t request.

This is what we crave most as humans; focused attention and connection.

As a heart-centered coach, you already have a natural gift for being present with others. You already feel empathy and want to hear what your clients are sharing.

This is basically the easiest thing in the world for you, already!

The only tweak you may have to make is to gently remind yourself not to jump in and try to offer suggestions for your client, and remain the person who is just validating how they feel instead.

It’s interesting to note what happens when you are with a client and start worrying about whether or not you’re using a coaching tool correctly.

Where does your attention go when you’re worrying?

Yep.

Onto yourself! 😉

Now you’re no longer doing the one thing that makes you a great coach; paying attention to the client.

That’s why you can let go of all the pressure to get coaching tools right and trust that you’ll learn them over time. You can also trust that when you’re present with your client, even a half brush-stroke of a tool is going to be effective. You’re already doing the main thing you need to do - the very thing required for any tool to be effective at all.

The more relaxed you are, the more you’re able to just be present with the client.

I once went to a therapist who was supposed to be some big-shot trauma guy. His whole focus was on teaching me how to work with my emotional responses with his very fancy tools, and it was the worst experience I’ve ever had in therapy.

His lack of presence with me made me feel like I was an inconvenience at best. The way he delivered every tool felt enormously judgmental (many of his sentences started with “you’re doing/not doing this or that).

I left his practice feeling worse than when I started working with him.

Now, when I see my amazing soul-hug therapist, I feel amazing. She’s also a big-shot trauma therapist, trained in brain-spotting, and we rarely even ever do brain-spotting.

Honestly, I feel more healed from the soul-hug and the focused, kind attention than anything else. And, trauma experts would say this makes sense, because attunement with a nervous system that’s projecting calm, loving energy is a powerful antidote to any past horrors we’ve experienced in our lives.

I use these examples from therapy not to confuse the coaching versus therapy lines, but to show you that even years of training to be a therapist and all the credentials and tools in the world can mean nothing without presence.

Helping you gain confidence in your innate ability to be present and then fine-tuning this ability so you feel rock-solid as a coach is just part of what we do in my group program. 

We’ll get you clear on exactly how to attune your nervous system with your client’s so that you’re helping them with your body as much as you are with your mind. You won’t have to walk into a coaching session worried about “getting it right.” You’ll learn, most of all, how to take the pressure OFF of yourself while you’re coaching.

You’ll get to nerd out with me on all the mind-body connection science and the spiritual consciousness processes, and we’ll amp up your confidence with additional support in trusting your inner wisdom and even your angels and guides at your back, if you want.

You can learn more about this program here.