This Totally Sucked, Yet Saved My Life

A misconception many of my clients have about inner wisdom is that it will feel light and delightful to do whatever inner wisdom is telling you to do, and you’ll want to do it. This causes them to miss out on important inner wisdom-led action steps that can lead to the outcome they’re trying to achieve.

Actually, inner wisdom will only give you a sense of what you really need to do next. It won’t necessarily make it palatable. (Darn it 😉)

If this feels confusing, I get it!

It would be a lot easier if inner wisdom announced its guidance with sunshine and rainbows and made each next step feel glorious and delightful. It would be amazing if it would show us the whole big-picture understanding and solve our problems forever more.

Instead, it just shows us the next right step. Then we have to re-assess and ask it for the next step. Sometimes this can be minute-by-minute!

When we hear the phrase “inner wisdom,” we naturally think that this sort of inner guidance will be all light and love. It seems logical.

Actually, though, inner wisdom is all truth and more truth.

Often when I listen to inner wisdom I feel the sting of truth. Truth doesn’t always feel lovely. Sometimes it tells us stuff we really didn’t want to hear.

For example, when I was going through a health crisis after my daughter was born, my doctor recommended a pelvic MRI to help figure out whether or not my organs were prolapsing. There are no words to describe how much I did NOT want to do this MRI.

It involved having gel inserted into every place possible and then lying flat in the claustrophobic MRI machine while the tech asked me to do various pelvic muscle contractions. I will stop the description there to save you from the worst of it. It was literal hell.

And yet, my inner wisdom actually told me to do it. (Otherwise, no way would I have ever done it!)

When I got the message to follow through on that MRI from my inner wisdom, I had a wee little argument with it.

“This is the stupidest test ever known to man,” I told it. “It won’t help at all.”

Inner wisdom, the purveyor of truth, replied with a calm, “Do it.” (Inner wisdom doesn’t have emotional reactions. It’s so bizarre!)

I have truly never wanted to do something less than that ridiculous MRI. However, I know from years and years of listening to inner wisdom that even when I cannot see why the f*ck we are doing this action step, it is indeed the right one.

After the MRI, an interesting chain of events took place. First, my doctor read the MRI and sent a message saying that it clearly showed I had no organ prolapse and simply had your average pelvic tension and to seek pelvic physical therapy.

Nevermind that I had already been doing pelvic therapy and was well aware of the tension and had a multitude of methods to release it - just not during a traumatizing MRI experience! That would require some serious superwoman powers.

I challenge anyone to meander into that MRI experience and stay relaxed, even if they didn’t have my history of pelvic trauma from medical procedures and sexual assault.

(I could spend about ten hours right here on a dissertation about why the medical system is so incredibly, incredibly messed up, but I will refrain!)

Next, my doctor claimed I did not need any sort of pelvic repair surgery and therefore any hope of using insurance to cover that surgery was obliterated.

Finally, inner wisdom told me to hop on the internet and find a pelvic organ prolapse expert to talk to. So, I did. I researched for hours on end until I found a doctor who actually seemed to know what was what.

We spoke on the phone and he said I was a perfect candidate for a potential surgical procedure and to come get a preliminary exam.

What happened next was mind-blowing. First, he did the exam (no MRI, just a simple exam). In five minutes, he was able to tell me that I had severe pelvic organ prolapse that explained my symptoms.

Second, he told me that women always know when they have prolapse, because they know their bodies. (It’s pretty sad that this kind of understanding from a physician is so rare!)

Third, he said he understood how to work with someone who had pelvic trauma and I need not worry because he could perform the surgery with great care and that I could expect a 60-80% return of normal function.

So, in the end, I got the surgery. I got 80% of my normal function back, which was amazing, since I was at about 10% going in. I felt SO much better. I had no post-op side effects (this surgery can have devastating side effects). I was able to return to a normal sex life and get back to swimming and walking without horrible symptoms.

I will be forever grateful for that surgery and that surgeon. He saved my quality of life. He took amazing care of my body. He listened. He didn’t even complain when I pestered him with questions. He was the right doctor for me.

I tell you this long story to fully illustrate what happens when inner wisdom tells us to do something that we want to resist with all our might. When we do it anyway, the magic happens.

Had I not done that MRI, I would not have even thought to look outside my insurance network for the perfect doctor. I wouldn’t have felt brave enough to tell my then-spouse that I was going to pay out of pocket for a specific surgeon. I wouldn’t even have considered it.

That MRI literally removed the insurance option entirely. It also fired me up. I was so angry about the misdiagnosis (by the way, this was the SECOND misdiagnosis from this doctor, who was the only doctor I was allowed to see in my network) that I got my mojo back and felt ready to storm the castle.

I knew going into that MRI that I had pelvic organ prolapse. Women DO know their bodies. It’s not hard to tell when your organs are falling out. It’s pretty dang obvious.

With my newfound mojo, I was empowered to take incredible care of this one and only precious body I’ve been given. Inner wisdom showed me that I was settling for sub-par care.

Inner wisdom will tell you the truth.

Even if you resist it.

Even if you really don’t want to do what it says.

It’s simply there, guiding you to your best life. Always.

You know what my favorite tool is for listening to inner wisdom? Asking it what its guidance is.

There’s no need to make it complicated. And, if you feel like you can’t hear it, take some time to listen inward. Then go do the laundry. It’ll come through! It may take some practice and some repetition, but it’s your natural inner guidance. It will come through.

Helping you feel confident in your ability to ask, hear, and trust inner wisdom is one of the biggest things I do in my group program. Sometimes we get confused about the difference between the inner critic and inner wisdom or fear and inner wisdom. I will help you sort all of that out.

Meanwhile, we’ll also get your nervous system regulated and help you release tension and anxiety. You’ll be able to shift your brain function so that it’s easier and easier to hear inner wisdom and those inner wisdom hits are much louder. If you have any chronic pain, illness, or symptoms you’ll be able to tilt the healing abilities of your body in the right direction and feel better.

And, of course, in this program you can train from the ground up to help others as a coach using somatic, mind-body practices or add those practices to your current coaching practice. This program can be a healing journey for you or you can also use what you learn to help others.

You can learn more about this program and others here.